The Friendly Neighborhood BigDirtyFoot
Poems (November 2002)


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Stains: 11/4/02
Your fertile soil has been reaped again,
By the hands of a thousand angry men,
Whom you have angered and caused pain,
They bleached your orchard rid of stains,
The stains you bled through clenced teeth,
The battle lost swords and sheathes,
The broken soil was raped this time,
Your stains show up inside his crime.
Remote Control: 11/7/02
It's 2:48 AM and my dog threw up on the rug,
My best friend passed out and my mom's on drugs,
The caffeine in my body is about to die out,
I think I'll get some more if I can get off the couch,
The cockroach is running along the dead mice,
And my ex-girlfriends' dead corpse is laced with lice,
Would you like to change the channel tonight,
It's too hard withouth my remote control with lights,
My apathy is killing the chance of becoming important,
The landlord called and said I can't afford rent,
So he's taking away my apartment and the TV remote,
What will I do now; the cat pissed on my coat,
I have no capacity for knowledge or getting work,
I'm dead weight with a dead mind from puncture wounds with a fork,
Help me get some new batteries to feed my addiction,
The stories on TV are no longer fiction,
They seem real to me but I think I'm insane,
My remote control died and now I'M in pain?
It's all over now the cable's out and the batteries are dead,
Russian roulette in an abandened lifestyle to shoot myself in the head.
America's Demise: 11/9/02
A perspiration of inspiration,
That seeps into my wounds,
And opens up the tombs,
With wings,
The scabbed angels offer me,
Hope to find my own path,
Made for me yesterday,
By natives of this foreign land.
In Waiting: 11/9/02
In waiting for the perfect match,
Tired of being thrown aside,
So I'll let you come to me,
Free tickets are available at the front desk,
But don't expect to get them from me,
I can't offer myself another time,
Feel free to try again later,
I may be willing then,
I promise.
The Goodwill Posterchild: 11/9/02
I'm so sorry I wasn't good enough,
To buy me more than secondhand clothes,
My childhood was a yard sale,
I feel horrible for buying,
Thanks for loving me so much,
That you couldn't see how I hurt,
Everyday made fun of,
For what I did not have,
And could not need at any time,
Their names were bulled alongside me,
The slide became something greater than life,
As I jumped off to land on their backs,
Broken bones and bloodied knees,
They never stopped calling me,
You could have done more,
But you chose to listen to my words,
Instead of my heart,
Now you know I was only lying,
Because I loved you more than,
You loved me,
And my childhood has become now,
The goodwill posterchild.
Corporate Castle: 11/10/02
The printed green on slabs of deceit,
How are they forgotten so easily,
Your deeds were not ever true,
The fuel of greed drilled from solid ice,
Drilled from solid eyes filled with mauled hope,
Ruined dreams in desperation,
When God becomes your credit card,
And the truth becomes so clouded,
That your reason for living,
Is not to support your family,
But to make others suffer,
Drowned in your pool of money,
No oxygen sold on Monday,
But you forgot,
And killed thousands more starving children,
Along the streets surrounding,
Your corporate castle,
With gates of silver and floors of gold. Edit

Six Fingers Too Deep: 11/10/02
Why don't you reach into your ass again,
And pull out what society spoon-fed you yesterday,
And give me more lies to digest on my own,
It's been calling for attention,
Wear your fake smiles and your push-up bra,
Yes, the ones your mother gave you,
You were taught by the best,
It's too bad now that you're stuck,
Six fingers too deep,
Your father was a creep,
It's time again to regurgitate.
Centurai: 11/10/02
A potential catalog of kinetic legos,
With an erotic aura and a neon sign,
Can you find the panhandler,
And the screen used against the sun,
May be dripping onto the ground,
The ozone is thinning into mesh,
A simple net to catch intruders,
But will it keep her from global warming,
As the prices rise.
Blindfold: 11/10/02
How many times should I have to greet you,
Before you awaken to the truth that you can't,
And won't be in love with this tyrant,
Both will tear down the fence you reopened,
Unpolite gestures that may result in tears,
Those fears that hold you close to your pillow,
And start to smother and blind you,
Reopen your eyes to my world,
And clutch to your blindfold,
Your eyes are now crossed from your disease,
The one you recieved for your hatred,
Me, yes me.
The Last Breath: 11/10/02
Thanks for being there,
If only when you needed to feel alive,
And only I could do it tonight,
I am so glad that it's over,
Because I couldn't ever put myself,
Through a hellhole that deep again,
Your riches don't mean anything to me,
I hope you never forget that,
And realize I love you for you,
And not how many awards,
Or news shows you're on,
More than anything,
Remember I told you I could never forget you,
And I still feel like that at times,
When my personal drugs wear off at night,
And I go to stare at your picture for hours,
It calms me down so I can get back,
To sleep with you,
And hold you so tight that you suffocate,
And I let you share my oxygen,
So your last breath is mine.
Pulling Teeth: 11/11/02
The sad truth is.  That I can't sleep at night.  Without the love.  It was stripped away by your greedy hands.  And the wrench you used.  As it was like pulling teeth.
The Gathering: 11/11/02
And now how long have we waited with closed lips,
For this glorious reunion in the same place we met,
And fell into each other within an instant,
The bond has not yet been broken but the seal is wearing,
It's too hard tearing apart from this,
So let's just go back to the way things were,
As if it never happened and the tears replace,
Among the thoughts that still drive me crazy today,
I will see the true you at the gathering.
Hopeless: 11/11/02
Do I need to polish your mirror for you?
Is it too hard for you to see that I haven't lied?
Because I can't believe you're throwing yourself away,
Not to mention me or the chance we could have had,
And when we look back to yesterday together,
Maybe a third-person view will help you see,
That because you throw me away I can't bear it,
And you can keep collecting your goddamn popsicle sticks,
For all I care because I care more than,
What you see in your mirror does not lie,
To you because you're hopeless.
Romeo and Juliet: 11/11/02
Your sweet petals are wilting and only a kiss,
Could bring you back but it's too late,
As you've refused me for the last time,
Do you think we could stop torturing ourselves?
Life is hard enough and death,
Could be much better but is it worth a try?
I just need a reason that is better than me,
If you could please give that to me again,
And watch me fade away with your eyes closed shut,
We will be known to all others that don't matter,
Romeo and Juliet.
Tearing me Apart: 11/11/02
If I have to be serious about just one,
It would be you and I wish,
That this could last forever,
I would buy a million lifetimes just to spend with you,
But I can't afford to lose you underneath the trees,
Where we could sit for so long together and no words,
But the feelings we shared were worth much more,
When words can't express why I miss you so much now,
Just to see you again and I could hold my words,
Thank you for showing me what you're like inside,
And if I could have just one wish,
It would be to die with you by my side,
Because I really can't live without you,
Tearing me apart from the inside. Edit

Self Control: 11/11/02
Where's my motivation gone?
Oh that's right- it became an indentured servant,
Selling it's life away,
To render me completely useless,
That bastard,
Now what will I do to get out of bed in the morning,
Or even at noon when I've laid there for hours,
Thinking of yet another reason to not get up,
Self control is my new concept that I can't seem to understand,
And it just happens to be,
Destroying all future hopes that I might just happen,
To actually exhibit excitement for,
So come back now self control,
So that I can tell you the same words as this,
Yet again, I need to express how much I hate,
How you make money off of my weakness.
Superball: 11/11/02
How many times can I possibly bounce back at you,
Before my tread begins to wear and I come to halt,
Along your soiled and well-traveled feet,
That stare me down and make me feel smaller than life itself,
Only your magnifying glass could show you who I really am,
Back Pain: 11/11/02
The glow of my refrigerator,
Because I can't sleep any more,
Why is that again?
Oh- that's right, it's because of,
All the deep wounds in my back,
From your car keys and that cross around your neck,
Yeah, the one I'd love to rip off,
And here I sit with these thoughts,
And the sleeping pills aren't working,
Even after I mashed them up,
And mixed in tequila to inject into my veins,
The syringe is calling me again,
And I shall go to sleep.
Scars: 11/12/02
Your scars are beautiful only to me,
And why can't you see,
That we're the mirror images of each other,
And I can't help but cry at night,
Knowing that you put up such a fight,
And it's too hard to be like your brother,
And how did we meet again?
Oh yeah, a mutual friend,
On a summer afternoon,
I know I wore cologne that day,
I remember so clearly,
Wondering what I'd gotten myself into,
As I stared into your eyes for a day,
And you turned your head away,
Your scars are beautiful only to me,
If only you could realize this is true,
I still have that picture you drew,
Only your scars are beautiful to me.

Charred Black Sunflower: 11/12/02
The shadow you've cast with its smoke and its ash,
The charred black sun has become under the gun,
And you can't shine on me so how will I see,
I have come to the moon and will leave it soon,
Because I want you back; put his gun on the rack,
Can you be under guns anymore with your soul on the floor,
For me to pick up again as if we were friends,
And your flower's seeds around your necklace beads,
If we could share them again would it be such a sin,
As I clip petals from your charred black sunflower.
Mono Infested Popsicle Sticks: 11/12/02
A box full of love but surrounded by hatred,
You chose wrong again and it shows,
As the glee from your smooth soft cheeks,
Is taken from this summer love that you had,
The multitude of mono infested popsicle sticks,
Yes the ones that made you cry,
And should you have died but no you moved on,
Yet again to show how fickle you can be,
On days like this I feel two different things for you,
I would love to hold you close and kiss you on the cheek,
But then again I need to slap you for being so blind,
The mono infested popsicle sticks that protrude from your eyes.

Nostalgia: 11/12/02
Your high school called yesterday because they need you back,
They found your old locker fifty-four and the full bag of crack,
And now your industry has become an agreement with law,
Fill those shallow nostrils with immortality by straw,
And allow the dean to puff clouds and rings of smoke,
The upside-down coke can is melting and the silence broke,
The love of the weed calls you for just one more toke,
And the needle we share breaks our skin with a poke,
The everclear we bought or is this what we stole,
I can't tell anymore I'm blind in this hole,
A fifth of vodka before the story I told,
Life is too short to not die a few before you get old.
Bittersweet: 11/13/02
Let's just see how many consecutive nights I can cry over you,
And we'll have enough tears to fill a pool,
Deep enough for you to wade in but this time be careful,
And I know that you will but I can't hold back warnings,
I can't help but sense what you're feeling,
But your words tell me that my feelings about you are wrong,
What are we going to end up doing with ourselves now,
We can't run away together as much as I'd like to,
And I'm assuming you would too but you're words would say different,
If only you and me can get through this together,
All our other friends are dying off quickly and soon we'll be alone,
To drink bittersweet poison from a dixie cup,
And fall asleep in each other's arms for the rest of eternity.
Tonight: 11/13/02
When I feel like burning everything inside,
And the pinpoint needle isn't sharp enough,
To pierce through all the people's skins,
When the cold and dark mist of hate rises,
And all I see is my paper and shadows,
Cast from a flashlight with no extra clothes,
When I'm pissed at the world and I hate them again,
And I want to walk into a car on the highway,
To seem to be so sweet out all alone,
Because that's how you fucking left me once again,
When there is no wind,
And the stillness that haunts me as I am alone,
Once again how you've left me tonight,
When I don't want to feel alive,
And you've made me feel dead to the world,
So many times,
I can't cry tonight,
I can't try tonight,
Nothing holds me back anymore and there is nothing worse,
To me than being alone,
-----: 11/13/02
You may see me shivering and I can tell you,
How many times has this happened before,
And will I get through it this time,
With no food in my stomach and no motivation,
How can I kill myself now when I desperately want to,
Because no one understands exactly how I feel,
I haven't found that feeling yet myself,
And I can't see what will be coming up next,
For the light that divides the unknown from the past,
Is fading away from me,
Is this a sign,
Is it tonight that I fall to dust,
I can't even feel the rust,
Seeping into my veins from the bullet of my poor,
Self-loathing selfish self-gratitude for what I have done,
Instilled fear into many and love into some,
But was any of it true or was I just lying,
The whole goddamn time and I don't see why,
Anyone lives anymore in this horrible world,
Because we all die in the end am I God,
Will I kill all of you and then kill myself?
Naked: 11/13/02
Have I ran far enough away from myself,
That I see clearly enough now why,
I feel naked outside and I don't know if,
It's because I have nothing to wear,
Or no friends to share,
Or no reason to care,
As I've stripped myself clean of everything,
Here in the cold winter night and I can't go inside,
When I look up I cannot even see the stars,
Are they hiding from me those universe scars?
Have they been stripped naked too?
Neutral: 11/15/02
How much more can I take from you,
Without a care in the world,
Your stonings can't make my life shine,
Staring into the sun again,
My eyes can't go blind this time,
Because I have stopped trying,
Accepted a more neutral point of view,
Seems a lot like I'm dying.
A Cartographer's Conspiracy: 11/15/02
You once told me that the Earth was not flat,
But you forgot to tell me that I could still fall off,
And I wonder why you can't understand my questions,
Because if you could look at yourself for a minute,
Your weaknesses would jump out and devour your mind,
I don't seem to believe what you want me to see,
A cartographer's conspiracy.
2036: 11/15/02
Full catacomb of indigenous servants,
Resting on your removable banister daily,
The cold rock bottom with scorpion poison,
And thousands of leeches that circle the tomb,
The slaves of a grand scheme capitalist conspiracy,
With termites to feed on the steps to the light,
And your servants will fall unto poison.
Playing With Fire: 11/16/02
Shouldn't be doing this today,
Not this way at least,
Painful surprises awaken situations,
And molten lava heals,
Sarcasm from a jester,
Can you see the laughs,
Playing with fire.

Blinds: 11/16/02
Pull your blinds as tight as the tourniquet allows tonight,
Forget what may be happening outside your window,
Pay your taxes and elect a new leader each year,
The men in the black suits are knocking new rhythms,
And they brought along a couple of close friends,
The friends are injected into your back so you will sleep,
And you're inserted between the sturdy metal lines,
Fed twice a day and bathroom breaks,
Your significant other pays bail so you are set free,
A full month and a half saving has decided to pay off,
But you come back to society an unchanged man,
You've learned new tactics to commit new crimes,
Only to set back into your place in society again,
And the cycle forces you to pay your taxes,
But now your blinds are open.

Triplicities: 11/16/02
The salty Earth rotates north every winter at midnight,
The air with incense floats east this spring at dawn,
The candles lit by fire fall south into a hellish summer noon,
The water seeps west alongside the fallen twilight,
Money spells with fertility and rock magic,
Sense of smell for the psychich minds,
Purified sex magic destroying disease by healing,
A combination of purified psychic fertility rains,
Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn,
Gemini, Libra, Aquarius,
Aries, Leo, Sagittarius,
Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces,
A wide variety of combinations,
And deadly poisons may spring forth flowers,
The tastes in the mixed cauldron are mute to deaf ears,
Triplicities group planets with characteristic elements.
STS: 11/16/02
You speak in tongues,
I don't understand,
So when I get angry,
Short temper syndrome.
Catholic: 11/17/02
Blood-stained-glass windows of your mighty Catholic church,
Wipe them clean to see the truth you covered up,
Now your rag is soiled with a grand mixture,
The blood and dried semen you prodeced for pleasure,
All those poor young dead Catholic boys,
Some Catholic you turned out to be.

Fingerprints: 11/18/02
Go ahead and dust to find the dead cell remainders,
The sweaty palms left soiled prints on shiny black counters,
The ill-prepared food stains from salmonella campfires,
Is it time to feed the black and silver piranhas?
Will they enjoy the flesh dangling from the fingers,
The oily marks are confiscated,
And if a match is presented a new crime is prevented.
Fellating Pederasts: 11/19/02
Tight corduroy junction cells with adjacent overalls,
Sticky cotton candy and handcuffs for ferris wheels,
Semen salads with feti croutons seasoned with feces,
If child molester goes to jail he should watch his back,
And not drop the soap in the shower,
Dripping condoms with anal lube for fellating pederasts.
Caught up on Social: 11/19/02
They've been focusing too long on the parties,
The drugs have worn off of their bodies,
But not their minds,
Excessive contraband hidden in consoles and trunks,
They've relished the relics of autonome charisma,
The little black books full of numbers,
And broken memories,
And useless protectors of innocence become wounded.
Ungrateful: 11/19/02
How would you like to see me as your enemy,
Then you could see the angry side of me,
My heavy wrath will weigh you down,
And turn your half-ass smiles to frowns,
Is that cataract in your eye making you blind?
The one planted by society and people unkind,
Cataract growth for your misshapen eyes,
The pair of red circles above the instrument for lies,
The two deaf ears fixed to you,
Are they ungrateful too?
Why should I put up with careless demands?
The heedless moans expedite and expand,
Should I deal with a metamorphosis from you again?
The shrapnel dodging soon comes to an end.
Forbidden Fruit: 11/20/02
The cancellation of planned tactics erupts,
An anger displayed by dismay of trumpets,
Blaring the fanfare of failure frequently,
Why can't he ever do anything right?
Maybe they will mature to his level,
And realize the forbidden fruit,
Is forbidden for a reason,
Invest in young opportunities,
Watch the stocks grow to your position,
The free mason society that they rot in,
Takes over and sits in their own filth,
The fruit flies are reproducing,
In their wide open mouths displaying awe,
For the fruit that was not to be.

Duodenum Melee: 11/24/02
The pavement glistens red in the sunlight,
The dirty fingernails are dragging alongside,
She stares into the bright sun,
While it burns her retinas it leaves a scar,
And when she looks down the sunspot is piss-colored,
Then it morphs to red and deep purple,
She reaches back into the empty car seat,
And pulls up her rusty pocketknife,
Why can't she turn them off,
She can only turn him on,
And he haunts her every morning,
Looking back from her mirror and whispering,
Why am I your touniquet?
ARV Terminate: 11/25/02
Now it is time for erupting orgasmic pleasures,
Ordered from Kenya adjacent to viral infections,
Your warning lights did not signify them,
As if they were dim but truly burnt out,
The liar tribes are held above fire log ritualistic dances,
Embers floating are reminders of deadly choices.
Paradox: 11/26/02
Fallen stars that melt into a misshapen ice sculpture,
Steam mist rising to the lower abyssal zone,
A crack in the pavement filled by the heavy void,
A standing bench falling towards the grey skies,
A truthful politician that lies on his deathbed,
Trash receptacles with barbed wire to keep it out,
A red striped yellow polka dotted sweater vest,
That burns in the water,
And sinks in the fire.
Culture: 11/27/02
Now I must admit that I enjoy the way a slit wrist feels,
As I torment the mind, body, and soul until my skin peels,
Picking off lumps of dead, coarse skin,
And tossing it into a biohazard garbage bin,
Taking each one of my freshly cut fingernail remains,
Slicing up my bloody torso until I can't feel any pain,
The shrieks turning from pleasure to pure fear,
And running from myself and whatever comes near,
Rattle and shake I dig up graves of the dead,
And collect enough heads to keep my family fed,
Grilling the sesame cranium over a flaming skillet,
The body's floating spirit softly begs me to kill it,
But I would rather get back to my daily self-torture,
And buy myself enough strength for this culture.

Sharing Aiła: 11/29/02
Novinha, must we share this one aiła,
Inside Johnny's seppuku plastic container,
How will we hold each other now,
If we are one skinless box,
How will we open each other's hearts,
If we share this one aiła,
Perhaps we should split into rays of light,
And we could grow new ripened fruit,
To share with each other,
Will a divide between us require seppuku,
Ritual suicide,
Or shall I call for Johnny,
Your, no our fictious hero,
To kill us, no me, this plastic container.