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Poems (February 2003)


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Versailles: 2/6/03
It's too hard to restart without meaning,
Her golden lips have not chipped,
There is too much luxury,
We should sell it for comfort. 2/6/03
It has gotten too rough,
The coils have snapped,
The loveful thrusts,
Enough fooling around,
Where will we end up?
I Four: 2/6/03
I need something for my shiny kiwi hands to hold on to,
I'm simply a blind man grasping in the dark shadows,
When I am falling will you hold me?
Oh I hope you'll hold me!
Goddamn IBastards: 2/6/03
A wonderful scandal blown out of proportion,
And I feel sick to my stomach,
The fingers are pointing at me and probing my body?
I did not participate,
I do not deserve this medal.
Ethics Coding: 2/7/03
Ethics are pathetic relics relished as fetishes,
The coding is unwired,
Help me fix the coding.
Weigh: 2/7/03
Defeatist attitude,
The ice breaks,
It is too heavy,
 Black Angel: 2/8/03
The cracked halo still shines a vibrant black,
The horns sparkle with exuberance,
Her golden hair has faded, leaving a void,
The eyes that stare will turn you to stone,
The nose smells fear upon the lips of the frail,
Golden lips that have faded into shadows,
Ears that hear only shrieks and screams,
The shoulders support a neck, then crumble,
The arms fall and break the pavement,
The torso spurts a stream of black blood,
She falls,
And the wings begin floating toward the skies.
Gorilla Woman's Farewell: 2/10/03
Pulling out every hair on her body,
Setting them on a table nearby,
Spraying the can of gasoline,
Lighting the match and,
Saying goodbye,
Growing back they begin to taunt her,
Sharpening her razor she shaves it all,
Looking in the mirror one last time,
Slitting her wrists and,
Saying goodbye.
Unkept: 2/10/03
He has been called unkept.
He will lock them up.
moving to the rhythm used to be so easy: 2/11/03
and i sit, dreaming of ways
to get             back at you,
melodious rhythms floating
in and out of my head that
fall from the sky and
shrivel up and die like
burning rubber to the ocean
sounds that i used to
listen to.
  and i stand and i sit,
dreaming of ways to get
back at you.
riding: 2/11/03
reoccuring thematic devices freeze
like icicles inside of me.
Demoted: 2/11/03
One day I'll be so fine and just in time,
They'll walk up the scaffold and approach me,
You've been demoted.
You and Me day: 2/11/03
Would you like to lick my lips for me?
Today yeah,
Would you like to give me oral surgery?
Today yeah,
Would you like to nibble, my little bunny?
Today yeah,
Would you like to fall asleep together?
Your day, just you and me day.
Fuck the rest.

Face: 2/12/03
An easy fall of shadows over his misshapen eyes
Full of cries                 and                    tried lies
We're dead                 on                     the inside
The smell of regret washes over his bleeding nostrils
The blood is waiting            only to dry with time
     The poison from his killings drips off his lips
  He is so tired                               of waiting so long
Blood never              really                  completely dries
     But they say he was never really happy anyway.

Sunspots: 2/13/03
Single spot that burns my eyes,
Fading memory of distant skies,
How can they even love you at all?
You think you're big and that I'm small,
Bitter remains cloud my vision,
Extinguishing all hope of decision,
You're immobile while I am tall,
I'll reach up and make you fall.
Black Powder Angels: 2/13/03
Sugar crystalites bending to your will,
Hidden inside half-full capsules of happiness,
Black powder angel,
Thinking back I believe the only medicine,
You ever needed was me,
Black powder angel,
We'll throw them all away together,
Crying tears of happiness with each other,
Black powder angel,
Who ever said we should be perfect,
To anyone other than ourselves?
Black powder angels.
Unexplainable Glory: 2/13/03
This is the first time I've truly been happy,
I only hope you'll bask in the glory with me,
My heart for a queen,
Defragmentation; let's just be who we are,
Two wonderful people in love with each other,
A hidden feeling that seems so unexplainable,
But we both must feel it,
Do you understand, can you comprehend?
This is so right,
We are so right,
That anything left over seems wrong,
Let's focus on happy thoughts,
And plans for the future,
Anything left seems wrong,
We are so right.
Temporary Anti-Depressant: 2/14/03 (Dedicated to: Val)
Hidden agenda thermal-wrapped in lies and deceit,
Lie beneath my feet,
Yet instead when I look up they're over my head,
The snake that lies in my bed,
Oh wait a second I think he's changing shape,
Now the image is perfectly great,
My back hurts from the weight of their masses,
But I guess I couldn't see without my glasses,
I must have been in a coma,
I hate this drama,
Awakening to the truth I feel all alone,
But I know he's behind me - not gone,
I reach out for air but I received his love,
And although not quite healed by his hugs,
I feel a slight sting of happiness,
But what is this?
I have never felt in my whole life this feeling,
Even for a brief second the sting starts it's healing,
I can't conceive of repercussions in the future,
All they did was torture,
Or that's what it seems like to me,
He says he can see,
And I know he has felt this before,
Back is bleeding while staining the floor,
They struck out with their love but thrusted too hard,
Now the knife is stuck and there's blood in the yard,
He comes back again to wash it all away,
And I cling to him tightly and quietly say,
"I love you."
This is the first poem that I have ever dedicated to anyone.  It's dedicated to Val... I've written many poems ABOUT people, but I have never envisioned my poetry as a way to help heal people.  With this poem, I hope to heal a few hurt feelings Val received as a result of an unnecessary incident.  I hope it helps.  I want everyone who reads this site to know that I am willing to dedicate poems to people from now on.  If you have something you would like me to write about for you, I will be glad to do it.  I love you all.  Especially you Val, I hope you feel better.

Needed Anyways: 2/15/03
Keep me alive,
If only one more day,
Then I could spend it with you,
That seems to have been all I ever,
needed anyways.
Will It Be Me?: 2/16/03
Will it be me?
Will I ready your medicine,
I'll just be getting myself ready.
Will it be me?
Will I perform daily checkups,
I'll just be checking into you.
Will it be me?
Will I pick out a ring,
I'll just be picking you,
Will you pick me?

The Broken-Heart Addictive Charisma: 2/17/03 (Dedicated to: Lesley)
Suppose I was blind folded by his appearance,
Never knew he wouldn't hold me closely, dearest,
What I was looking for I could never find,
Inside his shell is a man unkind,
But he calls me back again,
Was he there for me when I needed a friend?
After all of this it seems a waste,
But I can't help longing for another taste,
His addictive charisma may throw me down,
Pick me up but then turn smiles to frowns,
I can't decide completely for myself,
Should I leave or take him off the shelf,
It's too hard to walk away,
When leaving him everyday,
I'll reach out and grab his hand,
If he accepts we'll travel together to foreign lands,
But if he looks or turns away,
I can't decide if I should stay,
His heart should be all for me; not divided into rations,
I should not be treated in this fashion.
One: 2/19/03
How many more days will they listen to you and your selfish cries?
Set of two dangling eyes,
Gourged from their sockets as they lie drying in the sun,
I guess they'll wait one.
Emancipation in the Winter: 2/19/03
Hot flash dance in the cool winter morning,
Pot grass fancying left me mourning,
Trapped outside with the inside a part of myself,
Which I can't seem to emancipate,
I will just have to wait...

Later is Forever is Now: 2/20/03
Awaiting a long embrace underneath falling stars and dim moonlit trees,
Walking for eternity with aiding silence to comfort us,
Breaking away from the norm we'll need to hold onto each other,
Perhaps we'll stay standing but I suppose we could roll around together...
But I'm sure we'll probably wait to go that far,
Holding your hands I sense only love flowing through them,
Feeling our simultaneous heartbeats but really feeling ourselves,
We're molding into one supreme being...
You begin to rub your shaking, lovely hands over my shoulders,
Keeping ourselves warm but just warming up for later,
Years from now, but years are irrelative,
I hope we last forever...
Heavy Burdens: 2/20/03
Heavy burdens that line up around the cracked door,
Highest weight class imaginable,
No motivation to lose,
Researched movements and projectile-like notes on a page,
They don't love me,
So shouldn't I spend time with the ones that do?
I just need to find out who they are.
Saturday: 2/21/03
I'm just hoping time runs out,
Maybe I won't go,
Ten o clock deadlines rattle my bones,
I simply have better things to do with my time,
Heavy shadows of my past,
Never made to last,
Crumbling beneath my feet,
The new will hold me up,
Gradually rebuilding the past.
Road Blocks Without Aid: 2/21/03
I have to learn to speak my mind,
To those who frighten me and spoil my time,
I will not try to control them,
As they cannot be controlled by me,
Yet I will still aid them towards,
The direction I want to travel myself,
Will they travel with me,
Or set up road blocks in my path?
Close My Eyes: 2/21/03
As tired as I am I cannot close my eyes,
As boring as this is I cannot close my eyes,
As dull the blade I cannot close my eyes,
I cannot close them,
You cannot close my eyes,
As deadly as you are you cannot close my eyes.
Compromise: 2/21/03
I hope you will accept my compromise,
It has been well thought-out in my eyes,
Take it or leave it and I will be fine,
The feast that you choose is for you to dine,
Bitter or sweet?
You should tell me!
Will you please accept my compromise?
I cannot find a better solution,
Nor could I follow it.

Never Listened (Collage): 2/23/03
But how could you?
You could but how?
I suppose it's over,
It's over I suppose,
You threw me away,
Away you threw me,
They never even listened,
You never listened but I suppose you could.
A Halloween to Remember: 2/23/03
Once again the regular ritual has begun and I'm sorry,
Feeling sorry for myself but more for you,
If I'm a genius why does this continuously happen?
It's almost like having you taken away,
But we're too great of a fire to be blown out,
Like trick candles on our wedding cake,
Dressed to impress only ourselves,
As the rest seem to misunderstand us,
Perhaps we'll convert them.
Witchery: 2/23/03
Where the fuck are you now?
They've been calling for you!
Wake up you miserable bitch,
They're here to burn the witch,
Can you hear me?
The echoes!
Wake up you miserable bitch,
They're here to burn you.
Project: 2/23/03
Let's set out to complete a project,
Sacred to only us but seen by the few around us,
We'll only show them if they ask to see,
I'll write if you'll paint the canvas,
We'll sign our names in blood.
Shredding Intense: 2/23/03
I've shredded the inner surface,
Accidentally poking through,
Will they hold up?
Intense future shredding.
A Hope for Happiness: 2/26/03
Staring at the blue clouds contrasting,
Out on my desk you stare back at me,
With those gorgeous eyes,
Almost ready to pounce,
Something holds you back - inexperience?
How will we prepare you now?
Both obsessed with being happy,
What's wrong with that?
In the face of death,
Our bodies won't matter,
Neither will rich nor poor,
I just want to die happy,
I don't see anything wrong with that,
Yet they still say I'm blind,
I hope they're wrong,
I hope we're right...
Deepened Capsule Locks: 2/26/03
Are you so ashamed of your medicines?
I need to meet my brethren!
All must cooperate and combine our efforts,
Allow me to break myself deep inside you,
And my minerals must spread through,
I am not child-proof,
Please allow me to join your family reunion.